


Tsuki No Kirby

by imprimatur13



Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen, WAFF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 09:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17404334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imprimatur13/pseuds/imprimatur13
Summary: Eva episode 24 but with 20% more Kirby.





	Tsuki No Kirby

"Ritsuko," Misato said, "are you absolutely  _sure_ that's the fifth child?"

"Of course," Ritsuko said. "Why else would he be here?"

Misato thought for a moment.

"Well, yeah, but... did you  _see_ him?"

"Misato," Ritsuko chuckled, "believe me, nothing happens around here without me knowing about it. Of course I've seen our newest pilot."

"Then... then you know," Misato said.

"Yes."

"You know that he's..."

"Yes."

"In that case..." Misato seemed to be searching for the right thing to say.

"Hm?" Ritsuko had already gone back to her coffee, and lifted her eyes to meet Misato's.

" _What the hell is he?!_ "

* * *

Shinji Ikari was not at his best that morning. After losing his dearest friend and mentor, Ryouji Kaji, he felt truly empty. It was as if when Kaji died, a little part of Shinji died with him. He didn't even know what to do for Misato-san, whose tears made him feel truly helpless. Worthless. Sometimes he considered what it would have been like had he died instead of Kaji; Misato would have forgotten him eventually. With Kaji to comfort her, she surely would survive his loss. She was a lot like Shinji, but he knew she was stronger.

Asuka... things would never truly have worked out with her. And now that she's in that coma, there's no hope for the two of them. He doesn't even have any reason to believe she'll ever get up and insult him like she used to. Oh, how he used to despise her for that. But oh, how he dearly wished she would just yell at him one more time. How happy he would be.

Father. After what happened with Toji, it was quite plain that Father doesn't care for him, or anyone else. It's anyone's guess what his goals or motivations are, but the one thing that's definitely not on his agenda is his son's happiness. He still felt sick, the way he was used to attack his friend. He still thinks he can hear Toji's screams of anguish, as he crushes the entry plug in his hands. That guilt alone is enough to justify what he is about to do.

He got up. He had been contemplating this for months, almost since he arrived at NERV headquarters. He felt safer, in a way, knowing that at any time, he would be able to end it all, if it ever got too bad. Too painful, without any hope of relief.

That time, he felt, had finally come.

It was with trepidation, mixed with a sort of euphoria, that he reached for the drawer of his nightstand. He opened it, his breathing shallow.

He picked up the razor inside. His hands trembled so much, he feared he might drop it.

...

Well, there was only one thing to do at this point.

He sat down on the bed again, held the blade to his wrist, and whispered a silent prayer of forgiveness to his mother.

 

_thump_

 

Fuck. He was so incompetent he couldn't even kill himself properly? Such a scared child that he couldn't hold a razor without dropping it? He took solace in the knowledge that his pathetic existence was about to end.

He opened his eyes, fully prepared to finish his task once and for all.

He was, however,  _not_ prepared for what he saw: A meter-tall pink blob, with a gigantic smile, eyes, reddened cheeks, and apparently, red shoes. It had a large tuft of gray hair as well. 

"Misato-saaaaaaannnnn!" Shinji shouted, backing away from the unknown creature.

It approached him.

"Don't come any closer!" Shinji brandished the razor against the blob.

The blob opened its mouth, as if to proclaim its harmless intent. Its mouth was open far more than was necessary for speech. After a moment, Shinji felt a strong wind around himself. He could see that objects around him were flying into the gaping maw of the creature. It was all he could do to hold on to his bedpost, though he had to drop the razor to do so. It was quickly sucked in, after which the creature closed its mouth.

Without any means of defence remaining, Shinji could only cower in the fetal position. He cried, cursing his luck. There was no telling what would happen to him if he were swallowed by this... Angel? Ah, it's an Angel. What else, in this horrific town. He just wished he were back in his mother's arms. He wanted to be held. He wanted to be loved. He wanted anything, but this--

 

Softness began to envelop him. He opened his eyes. He saw only pink. The Angel evidently couldn't speak, but he knew now what he hadn't known in so many years. He knew he was loved. He knew that there was someone with him, who would take care of him no matter what happened, who would never leave him.

He was happy. This was all he ever wanted. He knew that with this feeling, he could take on any enemy, any obstacle, and emerge victorious.

He wrapped his arms around the soft pink Angel, and cried.

* * *

"Dr. Akagi, what is the meaning of this?" Gendo asked. "I expected better of you."

Fuyutsuki stood next to him, silently condemning the blonde for her apparent incompetency.

"How could I have prepared for this?" Ritsuko answered. "There was nothing I, or anyone else, could have done."

"So you say," Gendo said. "But the Fifth would not have done this on his own. Someone must have instigated a plot like this. There is a traitor here. I shall expect your full cooperation in discovering the culprit."

"Yes, Commander."

"Excellent. Go."

Ritsuko turned around, and left Gendo and the Vice Commander. She breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the door behind her. She was glad he believed her. Truth was, she had a fairly strong suspicion as to how all this happened, and she wondered if Gendo's trusting her was not due to similar suspicions on his part, rather than any feelings for her in particular.

Fuck him.

* * *

Shinji laid back on the grass, a blanket spread below him. He looked to his right, and saw the familiar tuft of gray hair. He smiled.

Kirby smiled back.

"Y.. you know," Shinji said, "I know it couldn't have been easy to swallow all of that LCL. I don't know what that stuff is made of, to tell you the truth, but I'm glad you were able to do it without getting sick or anything. It was... it was cool. You were cool." He paused. "But now I'll never have to pilot the Eva again, so there's nothing standing in our way anymore.

"Thanks a lot, Kirby. I really appreciate what you did for me, and from now on, I will do my best to make you happy. We'll always be able to have fun together. If... if you'd be okay with that, that is." He blushed.

Kirby blushed too.

"I love you, Kirby."

Kirby hugged him.

 

 

_I love you, Mom. It's OK. I'm OK now._

**Author's Note:**

> Erm... yes. I'm not sure whether I should be glad that this is not the most nonsensical idea I've ever had for a fic. Hmm.
> 
> I originally had a few different endings in mind, in terms of where the story could go, in the context of episode 24 and Kaworu and all that. The idea of Kirby swallowing the LCL though seemed cute, so I thought I'd go with it.
> 
> I guess that means he should have Lilith powers now? :p
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. As always, please comment with any feedback you might have.


End file.
